"Like a Virgin" is all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The whole song is a metaphor for big dicks.

No it's not. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable and she's been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive –

– Whoa... whoa... time out Greenbay. Tell that bullshit to the tourists.

Toby... who the fuck is Toby? Toby... Toby... think... think... think...

It's not about a nice girl who meets a sensitive boy. Now granted that's what "True Blue" is about, no argument about that.

Which one is "True Blue?"

You don't remember "True Blue?" That was a big ass hit for Madonna. Shit, I don't even follow this Tops In Pops shit, and I've at least heard of "True Blue."

Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.

I hate Madonna.

I like her early stuff. You know, "Lucky Star," "Borderline" – but once she got into her "Papa Don't Preach" phase, I don't know, I tuned out.

Hey, fuck all that, I'm making a point here. You're gonna make me lose my train of thought.

Oh fuck, Toby's that little china girl.

What's that?

I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. Toby what? What the fuck was her last name?

Where was I?

You said "True Blue" was about a nice girl who finds a sensitive fella. But "Like a Virgin" was a metaphor for big dicks.

Let me tell ya what "Like a Virgin"'s about. It's about some cooze who's a regular fuck machine. I mean all the time, morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

How many dicks was that?

A lot.

Then one day she meets a John Holmes motherfucker, and it's like, whoa baby. This mother fucker's like Charles Bronson in "The Great Escape." He's diggin' tunnels. Now she's gettin this serious dick action, she's feelin something she ain't felt since forever. Pain.

Chew? Toby Chew? No.

It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts like the first time. The pain is reminding a fuck machine what is was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a Virgin."

I'll take care of this, you guys leave the tip.

And when I come back, I want my book back.

Sorry, it's my book now.

Blonde, shoot this piece of shit, will ya?

C'mon, throw in a buck.

Uh-uh. I don't tip.

Whaddaya mean you don't tip?

I don't believe in it.

You don't believe in tipping?

I love this guy, he's a madman, this guy.

Do you have any idea what these ladies make? They make shit.

Don't give me that. She don't make enough money, she can quit.

Okay ramblers, let's get to rambling. Wait a minute, who didn't throw in?

Mr. Pink.

Mr. White?

Why?

He don't tip.

He don't tip?

You don't tip? Why?

He don't believe in it.

He don't believe in it?

You don't believe in it?

Nope.

Shut up!

Cough up the buck, ya cheap bastard, I paid for your goddamn breakfast.

Because you paid for the breakfast, I'm gonna tip. Normally I wouldn't.

Whatever. Just throw in your dollar, and let's move.

See what I'm dealing with here. Infants. I'm fuckin dealin with infants.

Hey, just cancel that shit right now! You're hurt. You're hurt really fucking bad, but you ain't dying.

All this blood is scaring the shit outta me. I'm gonna die, I know it.

Oh excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me please, are you a doctor?

No, I'm not!

Ahhhh, so you admit you don't know what you're talking about. So if you're through giving me your amateur opinion, lie back and listen to the news. I'm taking you back to the rendezvous, Joe's gonna get you a doctor, the doctor's gonna fix you up, and you're gonna be okay. Now say it: You're gonna be okay. Say it: You're gonna be okay!

Say-the-goddamn-words: You're gonna be okay!

I'm okay.

Correct.

Don't leave me!

Go ahead and be scared, you've been brave enough for one day. I want you to just relax now. You're not gonna die, you're gonna be fine. When Joe gets here, he'll make ya a hundred percent again.

Look, I don't wanna be a fly in the ointment, but if help doesn't come soon, I gotta see a doctor. I don't give a fuck about jail, I just don't wanna die.

You're not gonna fucking die, all right?

I wasn't born yesterday. I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad.

It's not good...

Hey, bless your heart for what you're trying to do. I was panicking for a moment, but I've got my senses back now. The situation is, I'm shot in the belly. And without medical attention, I'm gonna die.

I can' take you to a hospital.

Fuck jail! I don't give a shit about jail. But I can't die. You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front, drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself. I won't tell them anything. I swear to fucking god, I won't tell 'em anything. Look in my eyes, look right in my eyes.

I-won't-tell-them-anything. You'll be safe.

Lie back down, and try to –

I'm going to die! I need a doctor! I'm begging you, take me to a doctor.

Gun shot.

Oh that's just fucking great! Where's Brown?

Dead.

Goddamn, goddamn! How did he die?

How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him.

Oh this is bad, this is so bad.

Is it bad?

As opposed to good?

This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us big time.

You really think we were set up?

You even doubt it? I don't think we got set up, I know we got set up! I mean really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street, at that particular moment, you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute there were seventeen blue boys out there. All loaded for bear, all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all just there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm. But those other motherfuckers were already there, they were waiting for us.

You haven't thought about this?

I haven't had a chance to think. First I was just trying to get the fuck outta there. And after we got away, I've just been dealin with him.

Well, you better start thinking about it. Cause I, sure as fuck, am thinking about it. In fact, that's all I'm thinking about. I came this close to just driving off. Whoever set us up, knows about this place. There could've been cops sitting here waiting for me. For all we know, there's cops, driving fast, on their way here now.

Let's go in the other room...

Okay, let's go through what happened. We're in the place, everything's going fine. Then the alarm gets tripped. I turn around and all these cops are outside. You're right, it was like, bam! I blink my eyes are they're there. Everybody starts going apeshit. Then Mr. Blonde starts shootin all the –

– That's not correct.

What's wrong with it?

The cops didn't show up after the alarm went off. They didn't show till after Mr. Blonde started shooting everyone.

As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw the cops.

I'm telling ya, it wasn't that soon. They didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde went off. I'm not sayin they weren't there, I'm sayin they were there. But they didn't move in till Mr. Blonde became a madman. That's how I know we were set up. You can see that, can't you, Mr. White?

Look, enough of this "Mr White" shit –

– Don't tell me your name, I don't want to know! I sure as hell ain't gonna tell ya mine.

You're right, this is bad.

How did you get out?

Shot my way out. Everybody was shooting, so I just blasted my way outta there.

Tagged a couple of cops. Did you kill anybody?

A few cops.

No real people?

Uh-uh, just cops.

Could you believe Mr. Blonde?

That was one of the most insane fucking things I've ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire somebody like that?

I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way of the other, you're gettin outta my way.

That's the way I look at it. A choice between doin ten years, and takin out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman either. What the fuck was Joe thinkin? You can't work with a guy like that. That motherfucker's unstable. What do you think? Do you think he panicked, or ya think he's just trigger-happy?

I think he's a sick fuckin maniac! We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us, when he shot up the place. I came this fucking close –

– to taking his ass out myself. Everybody panics. When things get tense, everybody panics. Everybody. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. It's human nature. But ya panic on the inside. Ya panic in your head. Ya give yourself a couple a seconds of panic, then you get a grip and deal with the situation. What you don't do, is shoot up the place and kill everybody.

What you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin professional. A psychopath is not a professional. You can't work with a psychopath, 'cause ya don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next. I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was? Twenty, maybe twenty-one?

Did ya see what happened to anybody else?

Me and Mr. Orange jumped in the car and Mr. Brown floored it. After that, I don't know what went down.

At that point it became every man for himself. As far as Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest. Once I got out, I never looked back.

What do you think?

What do I think? I think the cops caught them, or killed 'em.

Not even a chance they punched through? You found a hole.

Yeah, and that was a fucking miracle. But if they did get away, where the fuck are they?

You don't think it's possible, one of them got ahold of the diamonds and pulled a –

Nope.

How can you be so sure?

I got the diamonds.

Where?

I got 'em, all right?

Where? Are they out in the car?

No, they're not in the car. No, I don't have them on me. Ya wanna go with me and get 'em? Yes, we can go right now. But first listen to what I'm telling you. We were fuckin set up! Somebody is in league with the cops. We got a Judas in our midst. And I'm thinkin we should have our fuckin heads examined for waiting around here.

That was the plan, we meet here.

Then where is everybody? I say the plan became null and void once we found out we got a rat in the house. We ain't got the slightest fuckin idea what happened to Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue. They could both be dead or arrested. They could be sweatin 'em, down at the station house right now. Yeah they don't know the names, but they can sing about this place. I mean, that could be happening right now. As we speak, the cops could be in their cars, drivin here this minute.

I swear to god I'm fuckin jinxed.

What?

Two jobs back, it was a four man job, we discovered one of the team was an undercover cop.

No shit?

Thank god, we discovered in time. We hadda forget the whole fuckin thing. Just walked away from it.

So who's the rat this time? Mr. Blue? Mr. Blonde? Joe? It's Joe's show, he set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up to set it up.

I don't buy it. Me and Joe go back a long time. I can tell ya straight up, Joe definitely didn't have anything to do with this bullshit.

Oh, you and Joe go back a long time. I known Joe since I was a kid. But me saying Joe definitely couldn't have done it is ridiculous. I can say I definitely didn't do it, cause I know what I did or didn't do. But I can't definitely say that about anybody else, 'cause I don't definitely know. For all I know, you're the rat.

For all I know, you're the rat.

Now you're using your head. For all we know, he's the rat.

That kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet that I saw him take. So don't be calling him a rat.

Look, asshole, I'm right! Somebody's a fuckin' rat. How many times do I hafta say it before it sinks in your skull?

I gotta take a squint, where's the commode in this dungeon?

Go down the hall, turn left, up those stairs, then turn right.

What's she doin' now?

She hooked up with Fed McGar, they've done a couplea jobs together. Good little thief. So, explain the telegram.

Five-man job. Bustin' in and bustin' out of a diamond wholesaler's.

Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody who can move ice.

Not a problem, got guys waitin' for it. But what happened to Marsellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice?

He's doin' twenty years in Susanville.

What for?

Bad luck. What's the exposure like?

Two minutes, tops. It's a tough two minutes. It's daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd. But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd.

How many employees?

Around twenty. Security pretty lax. They almost always just deal in boxes. Rough uncut stones they get from the syndicate. On a certain day this wholesaler's gettin' a big shipment of polished stones from Israel. They're like a way station. They are gonna get picked up the next day and sent to Vermont.

No, they're not.

Piss on this turd, we're outta here.

What's this guy's problem?

What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta problem. I gotta big problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot!

What're you talkin about?

That fuckin shooting spree in the store.

Fuck 'em, they set off the alarm, they deserve what they got.

You almost killed me, asshole! If I had any idea what type of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you.

You gonna back all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?

What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it?

I said: "Are you gonna bark all day, dog, or are you gonna bite."

Both of you two assholes knock it the fuck off and calm down!

So you wanna git bit, huh?

Cut the bullshit, we ain't on a fuckin playground!

I don't believe this shit, both of you got ten years on me, and I'm the only one actin like a professional. You guys act like a bunch of fuckin niggers. You ever work a job with a bunch of niggers? They're just like you two, always fightin, always sayin they're gonna kill one another.

You said yourself, you thought about takin him out.

Then. That time has passed. Right now, Mr. Blonde is the only one I completely trust. He's too fuckin homicidal to be workin with the cops.

You takin his side?

Fuck sides! What we need is a little solidarity here. Somebody's stickin a red hot poker up our asses and we gotta find out whose hand's on the handle. Now I know I'm no piece of shit...

And I'm pretty sure you're a good boy...

And I'm fuckin positive you're on the level. So let's figure out who's the bad guy.

Well, that was sure exciting.

You're a big Lee Marvin fan, aren't you? Me too. I don't know about the rest of you fellas, but my heart's beatin fast.

Okay you guys, follow me.

Sid, I'm tellin you don't worry about it. You had a bad couple of months, it happens.

Sid, Sid, Sid... Stop, you're embarrassing me. I don't need to be told what I already know. When you have bad months, you do what every business man in the worlds does, I don't care if he's Donald Trump or Irving the tailor. Ya ride it out.

Sid, a friend of mine's here. I gotta go.

Good enough, bye.

Who's your parole officer?

A guy named Scagnetti. Seymour Scagnetti.

How is he?

Fuckin asshole, won't let me leave the halfway house.

Never ceases to amaze me. Fuckin jungle bunny goes out there, slits some old woman's throat for twenty-five cents. Fuckin nigger gets Doris Day as a parole officer. But a good fella like you gets stuck with a ball-bustin' prick.

I just want you to know, Joe, how much I appreciate your care packages on the inside.

What the hell did you expect me to do? Just forget about you?

I just wanted you to know, they meant a lot.

It's the least I could do Vic. I wish I coulda done more.

Vic. Toothpick Vic. Tell me a story? What're your plans?

Well, what I wanna do is go back to work. But I got this Scagnetti prick deep up my ass. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job.My plans have always been to be part of the team again.

I see ya sittin here, but I don't believe it.

How ya doin, Toothpick?

Fine, now.

I'm sorry man, I shoulda picked you up personally at the pen. This whole week's just been crazy. I've had my head up my ass the entire time.

Funny you should mention it. That's what your father and I been talkin about.

That I should've picked you up?

No. That your head's been up your ass. I walk through the door and Joe says "Vic, you're back, thank god. Finally somebody who knows what the fuck he's doing. Vic, Vic, Vic, Eddie, my son, is a fuck up."And I say "Well, Joe, I coulda told you that.""I'm ruined! He's ruining me! My son, I love him, but he's taking my business and flushing it down the fuckin toilet! "

I'm not tellin tales out of school. You tell 'im Joe. Tell 'im yourself.

Eddie, I hate like hell for you to hear it this way. But when Vic asked me how's business, well, you don't lie to a man who's just done four years in the slammer for ya.

Okay, okay, enough, enough! Playtime's over! You wanna roll around on the floor, do it in Eddie's office, not mine!

Now Vic was tellin me, he's got a parole problem.

Really? Who's your P.O.?

Seymour Scagnetti.

Scagnetti? Oh shit, I hear he's a motherfucker.

He is a motherfucker. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job.

You're coming back to work for us, right?

I wanna. But I gotta show this asshole I got an honest-to-goodness job before he'll let me move out on my own. I can't work for you guys and be worried about gettin back before ten o'clock curfew.

We can work this out, can't we?

This isn't all that bad. We can give you a lot of legitimate jobs. Put you on the rotation at Long Beach as a dock worker.

I don't wanna lift crates.

You don't hafta lift shit. You don't really work there. But as far as the records are concerned, you do. I call up Matthews, the foreman, tell him he's got a new guy. You're on the schedule. You got a timecard, it's clocked in and out for you everyday, and you get a pay check at the end of the week. And ya know dock workers don't do too bad. So you can move into a halfway decent place without Scagnetti thinkin "what the fuck." And if Scagnetti ever wants to make a surprise visit, you're gone that day. That day we sent you to Tustin. We gotta bunch of shit you needed to unload there. You're at the Taft airstrip pickin up a bunch of shit and bringing it back. Part of your jab is goin different places – and we got places all over the place.

Didn't I tell ya not to worry?

Vic was worried.

Me and you'll drive down to Long Beach tomorrow. I'll introduce you to Matthews, tell him what's going on.

That's great, guy, thanks a bunch.

When do you think you'll need me for real work?

Well, it's kinda a strange time right now. Things are kinda –

– Nuts. We got a big meeting in Vegas coming up. And we're kinda just gettin ready for that right now.

Let Nice Guy set you up at Long Beach. Give ya some cash, get that Scagnetti fuck off your back, and we'll be talking to ya.

Daddy, I got an idea. Now just hear it out. I know you don't like to use any of the boys on these jobs, but technically, Vic ain't one of the boys. He's been gone for four years. He ain't on no one's list. Ya know he can handle himself, ya know you can trust him.

Hey Dov, we got a major situation here.

I know you know that. I gotta talk with daddy and find out what he wants done.

All I know is what Vic told me. He said the place turned into a fuckin' bullet festival. He took a cop as hostage, just to get the fuck out of there.

Do I sound like I'm jokin? He's fuckin driving around with the cop in his trunk.

I don't know who did that. I don't know who has the loot, if anybody has the loot. Who's dead, who's alive, who's caught, who's not... I will know, I'm practically there. But what do I tell these guys about daddy?

You sure that's what he said?

Okay, that's what I'll tell em.

Fucking assholes.

Holy shit, this guy's all fucked up!

No shit, he's gonna fuckin die on us if we don't get him taken care of.

We were set up, the cops were waiting for us.

What? Nobody set anybody up.

The cops were there waitin for us!

Bullshit.

Hey, fuck you man, you weren't there, we were. And I'm tellin ya, the cops had that store staked out.

Okay, Mr. Detective, who did it?

What the fuck d'you think we've been askin each other?

And what are your answers? Was it me? You think I set you up?

I don't know, but somebody did.

Nobody did. You assholes turn the jewelry store into a wild west show, and you wonder why cops show up.

Where's Joseph?

I ain't talked to him. I talked to Dov. Dov said he's comin out here, and he's fucking pissed.

I told ya he'd be pissed.

What are you gonna do about him?

Jesus Christ, give me a fuckin chance to breathe. I got a few questions of my own, ya know.

You ain't dying, he is.

I'll call somebody.

Who?

A snake charmer, what the fuck d'you think. I'll call a doctor, take care of him, fix 'm right up. No, where's Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue?

Brown's dead, we don't know about Blue.

Nobody saw what happened to Mr. Blue?

Well, he's either dead or he's alive or the cops got him or they don't.

I take it this is the bastard you told me about.

Why the hell are you beating on him?

So he'll tell us who the fuck set us up.

Would you stop it with that shit! You beat on this prick enough, he'll tell ya he started the Chicago fire. That don't necessarily make it so. Okay, first things fucking last, where's the shit? Please tell me somebody brought something with them.

I got a bag. I stashed it till I could be sure this place wasn't a police station.

Well, let's go get it. We also gotta get rid of all those cars. It looks like Sam's hot car lot outside.

You stay here and babysit Orange and the cop.

You two take a car each, I'll follow ya. You ditch it, I'll pick you up, then we'll pick up the stones. And while I'm following you, I'll arrange for some sort of a doctor for our friend.

We can't leave these guys with him.

Because this guy's a fucking psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed at us, that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him, for puttin' me in the same room as this bastard.

You see what I been puttin up with? As soon as I walk through the door I'm hit with this shit. I tell 'm what you told me about us stayin put and Mr. White whips out his gun, sticks it in my face, and starts screaming "You motherfucker, I'm gonna blow you away, blah, blah, blah."

He's the reason the place turned into a shooting gallery.

What are you, a silent partner? Fuckin tell him.

He seems all right now, but he went crazy in the store.

This is what he was doin.

I told 'em not to touch the alarm. They touched it. I blew 'em full of holes. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not it, they'd still be alive.

That's your excuse for going on a kill crazy rampage?

I don't like alarms.

What does it matter who stays with the cop? We ain't lettin him go. Not after he's seen everybody. You should've never took him outta your trunk in the first place.

We were trying to find out what he knew about the set up.

There is no fuckin set up!

Look, this is the news. Blondie, you stay here and take care of them two. White and Pink come with me, 'cuz if Joe gets here and sees all those fucking cars parked out front, he's going to be as mad at me as he is at you.

What's your name?

Marvin.

Marvin what?

Marvin Nash.

Listen to me, Marvin Nash. I'm a cop.

I know.

You do?

Your name's Freddy something.

Freddy Newendyke.

Frankie Ferchetti introduced us once, about five months ago.

Shit. I don't remember that at all.

I do.

How do I look?

That fucking bastard! That fucking sick fucking bastard!

Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's officers positioned and waiting to move in a block away.

What the fuck are they waiting for? That motherfucker cut off my ear! He slashed my face! I'm deformed!

And I'm dying. They don't know that. All they know is they're not to make a move until Joe Cabot shows up. I was sent undercover to get Cabot. You heard 'em, they said he's on his way. Don't pussy out on me now, Marvin. We're just gonna sit here and bleed until Joe Cabot sticks his fuckin head through that door.

What kinds questions did Cabot ask?

Where I was from, who I knew, how I knew Nice Guy, had I done time, shit like that.

What's this?

It's a scene. Memorize it.

What?

A undercover cop has got to be Marlon Brando. To do this job you got to be a great actor. You got to be naturalistic. You got to be naturalistic as hell. If you ain't a great actor you're a bad actor, and bad acting is bull shit in this job.

But what is this?

It's a amusing anecdote about a drug deal.

What?

Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a job.

I gotta memorize all this shit?

It's like a joke. You remember what's important, and the rest you make your own. The only way to make it your own is to keep sayin it, and sayin it, and sayin it, and sayin it, and sayin it.

I can do that.

The things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story. Now this story takes place in this men's room. So you gotta know the details about this men's room. You gotta know they got a blower instead of a towel to dry your hands. You gotta know the stalls ain't got no doors. You gotta know whether they got liquid or powdered soap, whether they got hot water or not, 'cause if you do your job when you tell your story, everybody should believe it. And if you tell your story to somebody who's actually taken a piss in this men's room, and you get one detail they remember right, they'll swear by you.

That's how you do it, kid. You knew how to handle that situation. You shit your pants, and then you just dive in and swim.

Hello.

It's time. Grab your jacket –

– We're parked outside.

I'll be right down.

Don't pussy out on me now. They don't know. They don't know shit.

You're not gonna get hurt. You're fucking Baretta and they believe every word, cuz you're super cool.